"In our own lives, even if we fight against racial injustice, even if we fight for world peace, even if we fight for a sustainable world, if we are using our power over the children in our lives, we are perpetuating injustice and oppression. We are setting children up to accept a world that is based on the more powerful controlling the less powerful."...Reading this quote made me feel terrible! I disagree with it only because parents are held responsible to raise respectful adults and if they end up in jail or committing crime who is to blame? Only the parents, children need our help to become who they should be
I will admit that I tell my daughter what she can listen to, what to wear, and give her chores to do. I as a mother automatically do this because I am responsible to raise her into a great person. I mean how else would one do this without setting boundaries? Should we just have kids and let them make decisions on there own? I can only imagine what decisions a 2 year old would make and for that matter a 10 year old. I do think that there is right and wrong way of speaking to our children. Many examples from the book: "You are so stupid !"," Don't every yell at your mother(while yelling)", "You are being childish", seem very disrespectful to me and I would not do that as a parent say things of this sort. With that said I think this whole Adultism is a matter of how one says things to another and the respect in it. Even a 1 year old deserves respect. If there is respect then we are taking into account our children's desires.
I also think that with out all these laws put in place for children to follow then there would not be a society. If there was not a school to enforce children to attend school then what? This very morning, I stopped by my sisters place and my 16 year old nephew was still laying in bed. He chose not to go to school because he did not want to, I of course told him and asked him what he wanted for his future and took him to school. Now with that said there will be so much more children that could make these very decision to not attend school or follow the laws if it were not for adults to help them make the right decisions. Parents are here to raise children that will grow up to be participants of society and.
I agree with you. When I was first reading the book I was confused. I was thinking to myself, children can't make their own choices, of course parents have to make some for them. Children can get peer pressured so I feel they need some kind of guidance. As a child, even a teenager, I used to be annoyed by my moms rules. I wanted to do whatever i wanted too and be out late. Now that i look back i thank her for doing this because I know I wouldn't have made the right decisions.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you May. Growing up I hate boundaries and limitations, but without them, honestly I have no clue where I would be. The one thing that I wish parents would do more often is accept the fact that they did what teens once did once upon a time. As a child I know that I responded better to discipline if the reason "why" I couldn't do something was explained to me. I think it's more effective to express reasons to your children instead of demands. Great post May:)!
ReplyDeleteI agree with your ideas about boundaries. I believe the whole concept of adultism is not to allow people to do whatever they want whenever they want but rather treat them with respect in whatever you do. In regards to children, it is the parents job to give children boundaries. Boundaries serve many good purposes including keeping people safe but we must always be aware of the way we enact these boundaries and the intentions of them. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHi May,
ReplyDeleteIt is important to set boundaries. Over the past few days I have reflected on how I wish my parents enforced more boundaries with me. But it is also true that we must be respectful of how we enforce those boundaries and how we communicate with younger people.
Today when I was at the mall (oh my, why does anyone ever go to the mall? [I went today because I had a gift card]), I was walking behind 2 parents and their 2 children. The mother dragged her son beside her partner and said to her partner, "He (son) is intentionally walking slowly in front of me to aggravate me." It didn't look like this was the case... her son looked pretty sad that he didn't even get to walk next to his mom after that. But the other point to make clear here is that I'm not a parent, I'm definitely not that particular mom, and therefore I have no idea how I would react in that situation. However, I do hope that I can politely explain to my child why I don't like them walking slowly in front of me (or whatever).
The discussions we've been having about adultism have been very thought provoking for me, and I hope that I keep these discussions in mind if I ever become a parent.